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Written by: Christopher Jeremiah, “We, bisexuals, love you both!”

Posted on October 31st, 2019

Posted in Bisexual Resource Center Blog

What does bisexual mean to you? Some claim it to mean, rejected by both.

We, bisexuals, are very friendly and interesting people. We are very respectful of your sexuality and your natural attractions to each other. Is there any reason why you can’t accept ours? I came across two profiles on another site that was discriminatory against us bisexuals. I am always perplexed by the fact that we bisexuals love you all. One of the profiles that I saw was actually from a bisexual woman! Yes, we love both of you! You only love half of the population of the world. Gays love one half & straights love the other half. We love all of you!

Samantha Allen asks are bisexual people shut out of the LGBT club?
We, bisexuals, face twice the types of discrimination as our gay peers, she tells us, as she references two studies from the Journal of Bisexuality.

This really makes me feel like we don’t belong in any society. I would really like to get more understanding of the way some individuals think of my people. We are so loving of all of you, yet some of you seem to hate us in return. Allen proves my point, “the discrimination we face within the LGBT community is as real as discrimination we face outside of it”. I just don’t understand why you can’t accept us for who we are. Aren’t we all supposed to be loving and accepting of each other for our differences?

If you are bisexual, then tell me what you think? Allen tells about 745 people surveyed & found that the bi-phobia experienced from the homo segment was disturbingly comparable to what they had experienced from the heteros. “Bisexual people experience monosexism, the privileging of sexual attraction to one sex or gender, from heterosexual, gay, and lesbian communities”, the study concluded

Am I making too much out of this? Well, let me enlighten you about my experience. When I went to get “sex tips for straight women from a gay man” in Paris, the gay man asked who in the audience was gay. Then he asked about the straights. Guess who he didn’t even consider. That’s right, us bisexuals! This is the phenomenon known as bi-erasure. So again he found us to be invisible.

I would like to know what some of you may think so that I can better understand how some of you think of us. If I were to say that I do not like or accept a particular race or group, say if I called transgender people, freaks, would I be correct or accepting? I would be looked at as a racist or bigot. But if there are those who hate us, we are just supposed to be impervious to the hatred from both communities.

One homosexual actually told me that I had to choose. “You can’t be bi, just choose one.” Can you believe that? I can’t love every single person, but I have to choose one. Okay if I must choose, my choice is BOTH. I thought our sexuality was not a choice. Are you actually going to tell me that you chose to be homosexual or heterosexual in your life? Obviously not.

It’s just the way you are. Can you choose to love tomatoes 1 day then hate them the next? Of course not, do you see my point?

To add salt to the wound, I am in the worst-case scenario, a bisexual man.
After all, we “bisexual men have been portrayed — even within the LGBT community — as secretly gay, sexually confused vectors of disease.” Allen suggests in her other article “why bisexual men are still fighting to convince us they exist.” Is there any reason to believe that is not everyone’s belief by now? We need to be aggressive in our efforts to dispel these unwarranted beliefs. Unfortunately, people barely see us bi guys as human, when they persevere in their falsehoods. We, “bisexual men, have our very own existence questioned more often”, Allen states.

I have heard that some of you think we are in the closet or want to remain “half normal”.

Why do people view bisexuality among women as somehow more socially acceptable? One theory is that we guys may find it more hot or appealing to get more than one gal in bed. But when it comes to us guys there is always a double standard. Do you see us bi guys as weak, unmanly? Before you answer, maybe you should ask the women first because they say that us bi guys make better fathers, lovers, and husbands.

What is the problem with some people? It stands to reason why we bisexuals have some of the worst mental illnesses and negative effects in the LGBT community, including suicide, per Allen.

Lois Shearing also indicates this in her article Are you doing your bit for 20biteen , when she states,

“Mental health is another area where bisexual people fare worse than our gay and straight peers. In late 2018, UK LGBT advocacy charity Stonewall released a new study showing that 28% of bi women and 18% of bi men had deliberated self-harm in the last year, compared to 14% of lesbians and 8% of gay men.”

There is sexual energy among both of us, guys and gals. Each of us has a great aura about ourselves. Each gender is beautiful, for both the male and female anatomy has its own inherent beauty. I love each gender for different reasons. Why do some of you feel that we are so abnormal for loving both of you? And how do we get a chance to be a part of your life if you don’t even give us that chance in the first place? I have also heard that we allegedly can’t be monogamous either? Such preconceived notions make it impossible for us to even find a partner, which creates yet another reason why we face such impossible odds in our lives. Madeleine Holden, in her article The women who go wild for bisexual guys, proves my point that most of you believe we are greedy or can’t stay loyal,

“Both are more likely to experience anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts than straight and gay people, a phenomenon attributed to the “double discrimination” that comes with being not quite welcome in either the straight or gay communities. Similarly, straight, lesbian and gay individuals are generally less willing to be in a relationship with bi people, leading to a kind of paradox: Bisexuality is viewed as a hedonistic, choice-fuelled, all-you-can-eat sexuality, but bisexual people are left feeling like they’re not really wanted by anyone.” Holden states.

This could be just one reason that I am still partnerless in my life today. These types of judgmental people just don’t make any sense to me.

One last thing I want to add is what my friend has to say about how she feels about our bisexual dilemma. She states,

“It’s not as though I would never fool around with a bisexual man. I’m just saying that if I were to actually feel it necessary to go online to look for a partner, I wouldn’t want to be with a bisexual man. Because I’m straight, I feel that it would just be leading myself into trouble. It wouldn’t be fair to ask a person that is attracted to men as well as women, to not be able to be with men as well. I believe in a monogamous marriage, so I feel that I would prefer to be with someone that could at least be with just one side or the other. Not as if I’m saying that a straight guy wouldn’t want to stray to other women, but I feel it is fairer than a bisexual is able to be in a relationship with another that likes the same thing. Openness might be a bit easier.”

So there you have it, I thank her for her honesty. I, however, feel that if I am ever to have a meaningful relationship with anyone, that being dishonest about who I truly am, might be the only option. Therein lies the dilemma. The dilemma which pushes people away from us.
If you’re bisexual, please give me your take on our situation.

Be truthful and possibly never have a relationship?

-or-

lie about who you really are and not be able to have an honest or meaningful relationship with any one person?

One last thing I want to say is that I am very proud to be bi, but I am not pansexual and that I am not attracted to every single person in the world. I am attracted to cisgender men and women.

It is really a dam shame that we are ostracised for our particular preferences since we can not help our natural attraction toward others in our lives.

So I ask you all, monosexuals, please enlighten me to your way of thinking and how you feel about our dilemma, and fellow bisexuals, please tell me if you agree with our particular dilemma in which we are unfortunately in because we love “both”.

Love you both,

Christopher Jeremiah
https://medium.com/@christopher_Jeremiah/we-bisexuals-love-you-both-44fc244ec05a