by Laura Days
“I came out to Blue Cross this week”, my friend excitedly told me the other day. I am particularly proud of him for doing so, as he only recently discovered that he’s bisexual (despite years of evidence passing right over his head), and I have been acting as sort of a “bi guide” for him. We had discussed the importance of coming out in small ways as practice for coming out in bigger, more personal ways, and being in the health care field, my friend is very aware of the importance of being out to medical providers, especially your own doctors.
Why did I start this blog post with my friend’s coming out via survey – literally ticking a box in an online form – last week? I suppose that in a way, this is my coming out to all of you, not just as someone who self-identifies as bisexual, and as a member of this big Bi+ community, but also as a new board member on the BRC Board of Directors.
So please let me introduce myself. My name is Laura Days, and I have lived in Boston (or the adjacent area) for the past 26 years. I went to Miami University (OH) for undergrad, where I majored in history and English literature, and I graduated from Suffolk Law School in Boston. I am an attorney in solo practice, focusing on residential real estate closings and estate planning. I live with my spouse and two cats, and for fun, I love to cook, read, bike, golf, play most sports, and dance. I consider myself an athlete, as I was a competitive figure skater growing up and represented the US as a synchro skater on Team USA back in high school. My current unpaid second (almost) full-time job is as an official for US Figure Skating. I judge synchronized skating (picture 16 skaters on the ice) most weekends from October to March, and have a long history of serving on both local boards and committees for The Skating Club of Boston, as well as on national committees. I have about a decade of non-profit board experience (Rotary, Chamber of Commerce, and SCOB) which I am excited to bring to the BRC.
So, back to coming out… the first time I came out as bisexual was my sophomore year in college, way back in 1998 on a large but rural and conservative university campus in southwestern Ohio. I knew I liked both girls and boys, and after a long period of introspection, I ultimately decided that it was a feature of me, not a flaw. I was one of the lucky ones who knew that being Bi was possible, because Newsweek had recently done an article on the existence of bisexuality, and because both Rent and Chasing Amy seemed to indicate that it was an option. I also had the great benefit of my university’s queer organization, calling itself the “Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual Association” (this was the 1990’s, the T was added later) so I had an inkling that by including the word “bisexual” in their name, that I would be ok with them. And it turned out that I was ok with them!
In addition to helping out with “Tie the Knot Day” (Valentine’s Day) I spent a long night buying yarn and tying knots around trees all over campus as a way to promote marriage equality (way back before the days of Goodrich and Obergefell) with my newfound friends. And I served on panel discussions for the GLBA as the Bi person – explaining both what bisexuality was, and how stereotypes and microaggressions aimed at Bi people were extremely hurtful. I was “out” on a campus of 16,000 students in the quiet way that one could be out in a world with no social media and seeing the same 300 kids over and over again. The best day I had at the GLBA was when I was passing out invitations for the College Democrats’ Progressive Ball (we worked hard and needed an excuse to dress up and dance), one
person in the GLBA office attempted to chide me for the lack of political progress made by the group, and two people who knew me stood up for me, letting them know that I was “one of them”. After all, belonging is the best acceptance of all. And I dated! For the one year that I was single and out, I went out with women who weren’t afraid to be on a date in public, and hosted private dinners for two at my
summer apartment for those who weren’t comfortable at a restaurant.
But then I graduated, and moved back to Massachusetts, where I wasn’t sure that I would be safe being out around my parents or my skating community. Just as we all know too well, I let erasure and invisibility enfold me like nature reclaiming abandoned roads and infrastructure. I married a man, and nobody was the wiser. Even working with other members of the LGBTQ+ community in my job, I learned to keep quiet, lest I suffer the painful biphobia that so frequently comes from inside the queer community.
Then, sometime in the past seven years, my own patient gateway account asked me to update my profile, and offered me the opportunity to identify as bisexual (I was hesitant at first, but I chose it and I’m proud that I did.) Then US Figure Skating offered DEI workshops, and I felt brave enough to once again (privately) select the Bi option. I met new, much younger judges who were out and proud to identify as bisexual, and I quietly came out to them. And slowly, I found myself climbing back out of the closet, step by step. And I am no longer quiet about it – this is ME, and I’m owning it. It also turns out that any fears I had with my parents were unfounded. Coming out is an ongoing process, and as I am sure you all know from your own personal experiences, it will be a lifelong process, coming out over and over again as you meet new people and need to overcome monosexual perceptions of yourself. I try to do my part, including the non-verbal cues: cuffing my jeans, having multiple beverages going (currently coffee,
mimosa, and water as I write this), and proudly displaying a Bi pride flag on my laptop case.
This is a big part of why I wanted to get involved with the BRC. Between my experience working with different kinds of non-profits (humanitarian and sports-related), and my desire to assist a community deeply in need of both financial and grass roots support, this feels to me that it is the perfect time for me to give back to my community. Thank you for having me!
I have ideas, and things that I would like to help with. First and foremost, we need money. Asking for money is hard, and I get that. But I am not afraid of asking, and I have ideas on both how to ask and how to diversify the ways in which we ask. Secondly, I am thrilled for the opportunity to put any of my programming and legal skills to good use. From my work as a leadership consultant to the Residence Hall Association as an undergrad, to hosting fundraisers for the Brookline Rotary Club, from setting up the schedule for a four-day synchro competition with almost two hundred starts (and 4000 athletes and coaches moving through my building with Covid protocols in place) to chairing a national committee tasked with making difficult decisions about hosting a qualifying season during a pandemic, I think that I am up to the challenge. (I just might need a little help with these new-fangled apps like Discord!) A pretty popular podcast recently called out the need for both queer but specifically Bi+ mentorship in
this sphere, and I am happy to pass along any of my Gen X experience in fundraising along to the younger generations, as well as rolling up my sleeves and putting in the work that I can do myself.
I want to move forward with gratitude, and thank all of you for giving me this opportunity to work with you. In these times of political discord, our community needs to band together even more than we have, and it’s time for us to help bring our brothers, sisters, and non-binary siblings into our protective fold. We can stand strong as a community, and it is my sincere hope that we do. The more that we do proudly together, the easier we will make it for the next New-bi (get it?) to joyfully come out to Blue Cross.